求一个经典英文笑话

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen .

Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down .the mouse said .I will tell a flea what I know.

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

鱼网

你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。

妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两

只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

鱼网

你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？ 老师发问道。

把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？ 妈妈问。

妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

A father said to his sons: Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it? The oldest son replied: Father, Ill eat it all! The father then said: Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it? The same son answered: Father,Ill eat it all! The father added: Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough? The oldest son answered again: Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer! 总是我 一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？” 大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？” 又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？” 大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其它人来做吧。” Dentist: Im sorry, madam, but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。 A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. But what/s that in the corner? asked Mother. Oh, that/s their telly, replied the tot. 耶稣的电视机 圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。 a million years to you? and God says: a second, then the man says: God, can I have a penny? and God says In a second一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?上帝回答:一便士.男子又问:那一百万年呢?上帝说:一秒钟.最后男子请求道:上帝,我能得到一便士吗?上帝回答:过一秒钟.9.Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”一盒小火柴妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

英文：I hung him up to dry

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office. Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he’s dead.

Mary replied, He didn’t hang himself, I hung him up to dry.

中文意思：Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室，“Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

这个英文笑话还可以：

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.

That's fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday?

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

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