一、求几个经典的很好笑的英文笑话
This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho Marx We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H.L. Mencken What's new? Most of my wife. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Guitry When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
二、收集外国经典笑话！
波兰女人抱怨说，她虽然有电视机又有电冰箱，却没有东西可以放入冰箱。有人提议：
「为什麽不把电视机放在冰箱里面，那就什麽都齐全了。」
驾车游欧的女士站在希腊一处古迹的倒地石柱前拍纪念照。「千万别把汽车拍进去，」
她大声说，「不然我丈夫一定会说是我把柱子给撞倒的。」
瘦弱的小毛虫给漂亮的雀小姐发现了，连忙哀求道：「请不要吃我，我可以告诉你我
同伴的住处，它们比我肥美的多呢！」雀小姐答：「不必了，我正在减肥。」说罢便
把毛虫一口吃掉。
三、有什么经典的英文短篇笑话,我急需2篇!!~~~~~
!.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer, I see that your pig likes apples, but isnt that quite a waste of time? The farmer replied, Whats time to a pig?
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?那位农夫回答说，时间对猪有什么意义?
2.Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈:弗雷迪,你的脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪:我刚才在大街上跑,为的是阻止一次打架?
妈妈:你做的对,谁和谁在打架.
弗雷迪:我和杰克·史密斯.
四、请提供一个经典的英语幽默笑话
1. Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. You'll get that degree, dear, she whispered. Perseverance is a virtue.
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
2. Difference
I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class, observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon. But the graduate students just write it down.
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. I also wanted to make certain, she sheepishly confessed, that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long.
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services.
Dad replied, I never ordered any bread and butter.
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。
餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。”
爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。
5. Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.
That's fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday?
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
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